AND WHAT I LEARNT

ALONG THE WAY.

..

The topic of mental health is one I'm very passionate about, as I, and so many of my friends and family have been through some form of depression or anxiety.

My own personal journey started when I was diagnosed at the age of 28 by a very unprofessional endocrinologist as suffering from BIPOLAR DISORDER . Now firstly, I don't like the word suffer, and I've come to view my mental "IMBALANCE" (as I like to call it rather than an illness - although it really is as I will dive into that deeper in another blog post) as a gift.

To fully understand why I am writing this blog and sharing my experience I need to take you back to the day my entire world changed, and a new journey began for me.

"You need to keep taking the medication and keep seeing me" he said. I asked "Why?" to which he so nonchalantly replied, "Because you are Bipolar!" Well that was a moment I will never forget. My heart filled with rage and anger and I firmly said back to him "NO, I'M NOT! and I don't like the way these meds make me feel so I am going to stop taking them!" Not an ideal way to be diagnosed or introduced to the world of mental health. Dr Fang, a thyroid specialist in Hong Kong (who I had sort out help from to check my thyroid) was now diagnosing me with a mental illness and life-changing chronic condition! He wasn't even a psychiatrist. And whats worse is he had put me on strong pharmaceutical drugs to treat it without actually telling me he was diagnosing me with Bipolar Disorder - which threw me so far off balance I couldn't eat, sleep, see colour, feel anything when I heard music. I was like a walking zombie for three months of being on them. Who does he think he is (was what I was really thinking and feeling in this moment). A few months prior to this conversation, I had met with him to discuss a few concerning health issues and to have the nodule on my thyroid (which showed up in 2009) tested to ensure everything was functioning fine. He ran some blood tests did a biopsy on my thyroid of the nodule and then sat me down and told me, your thyroid works perfectly. According to him I needed to start taking Omega 3 fish oils (which is really good for your brain) and prescribed me with 100 mgs of TOPAMAX. So that's what I did, I never questioned him (he was the doctor right?! why would I) he said the Topamax was an anti-epileptic medication and a mood stabiliser; and would help with my night epilepsy that sometimes occurred when I was asleep. Never once did he mention he was treating me for Bipolar Mood Disorder in our conversations.

The biggest red flag was that he told me not to look up Topamax as the side-effects would make me not want to take it. (THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST THING I DID WHEN I GOT HOME BEFORE EVER PUTTING THOSE MEDS IN MY BODY) I shall explain. With any strong pharmaceutical drug, there will be some side effects. That's just how these drugs work. They treat one thing but then they can effect many other areas of your health and mind. SO my biggest plea to anyone who gets a diagnosis or anyone really speaking with a doctor/therapist/psychiatrist, is to please RESEARCH and find out as much about the medications you get prescribed as possible! (Especially from a reliable source - YouTube is your friend but you must dig deeper) In terms of your mental health journey and diagnosis - this responsibility falls solely on YOU! Don't for one minute think anyone else on this earth knows your mind and body better than you do! You just need to tune into your gut intuition and inner wisdom more and more, and listen to her/him (as she/he will take care of you). Yes, there are professionals to help guide and give you advice along the way, but ultimately it's your health and your life! So please take your POWER BACK!

I gave mine away when it came to Dr Fang. I ignored my intuitive feeling about the man (especially after he rubbed his crotch up against my arm during our first ever meeting while he felt my thyroid and told me "Ah yes, I can feel the nodule. More like, "HEY, buddy get the F>:&$! off me" that makes me feel very uncomfortable Dr Fang. It was this horrible feeling as if he was getting off on it and doing it all consciously. The next time I had to meet with him for a follow up and to get my results I took one of my best friends with me and he never came near me with her there. HUGE RED FLAG! Ladies please don't do what I did in that moment and tell yourself, be a nice, good girl. Be polite. Don't just assume the worst of a man. NO, if you ever feel this way, trust it. We are so powerful as women in this regard. With a sixth sense, a maternal knowing, a protective feeling. Trust yourself, trust your gut, TRUST HER! and don't ever apologise to anyone if you do. Looking back now at 35. I should have walked right out his door and gone to another doctor who I felt comfortable with.

But as I truly believe everything does happen for a reason, and now I can share from my experience with others, what I learnt from it. My choice not to research Topamax and to just take the 100 mgs was the biggest mistake. I got every side effect imaginable with this drug (as every individual will react differently to each drug) Topamax and I just didn't gel. I suffered from panic attacks, so bad that I couldn't be in a room with four of my best friends without needing to go into the bathroom sit down and breathe! That's how bad they got. I had suicidal thoughts constantly which I had never had before. I felt depressed and never wanted to go out. I stopped eating and slept more. My work started to suffer as a result, I couldn't do a good job with the kids I was teaching at the time. It was horrific! I landed up as a result of these meds being sent back home to South Africa to seek help from a therapist at Kenilworth Clinic. When meeting with her and started to understand how this industry works. What Dr Fang had done was actually illegal in many ways and serious malpractice as he wasn't a qualified therapist or psychiatrist - and although his diagnosis was right - you first need to ween yourself onto a drug as strong as a mood stabliser like Topamax. Starting at 5 mgs, then moving to 10 mgs the. next week, then 15 mgs, then 25 mgs etc etc. Until you get to the right dose for you! I couldn't believe it. No wonder I had felt so shitty and so low. I had gone from 0 meds in my body to 100 mgs of this stuff with all these negative side effects. And what was worse was I had no clue about any of it or anything to do with mental health.

This has shaped so much of the way I then chose to move forward with my mental health and spiritual journey after returning home. I saw a young naive girl then, who grew to be an independent woman that now knows she is reasonable for her well-being. I learnt to sit with therapists and psychiatrists and see myself on an equal footing. Not being told what to do or what and how much to take; but in control of my own decisions and medicating; when it came to treating my bipolar. When you step into this power you feel a sense of relief and FREEDOM. You get to call the shots and you can open up easier to trusting the RIGHT people. The people you choose to support and surround you on your journey as you know they are the right people to help guide you. Community and support is so important in this journey. You can't walk it alone.

So in closing my top 5 tips after being DIAGNOSED WITH A MENTAL IMBALANCE are:

1. Take BACK YOUR POWER
2. Do your own RESEARCH! (So important)
3. Talk to others who have the same condition about their experience (COMMUNITY)
4. Find a therapist and psychiatrist who you feel very comfortable with (your TRIBE)
5. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY - be prepared to try and test out things. There are so many options out there to help you treat it.

Personally, when it comes to this last point. I have opted to go with a combination of holistic approaches (yoga, healthy eating and slow exercise) with a medium dose of pharmaceutical drugs (which I researched thoroughly) as well as having spoken to homeopaths about supplements to help support my body and mind while taking those strong drugs. Not one thing is going to work, but a holistic approach seems to be the best way moving forward to manage it. There might not be a cure, and you will have it for a life-time but you can live a healthy, balanced and incredible life!